Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘thoughts’

Wow. So, what’s it been? Two and a half, nearly three years? Fairly certain my last blog post was in or around the summer of 2012. Any unfortunate soul that stumbled across, decided that they need some masochistic glorification in their life, and actually read my blog, must’ve thought that had I died; went into a witness protection programme; or just lost faith in my abilities and chose a new walk of life. Well, the latter I can confirm is true. The second point, I’m not allowed to comment more upon. And the first? I’m still working on the whole resurrection thing, but so far, no good.

So what’s happened with me, and what’s going to be happening with my blog? I’ll attempt to mount and divulge¬†those two parts in, I suppose, two parts.

Last I was scribbling my inane ramblings, I was an English literature student in Bristol on line for scraping a pass in my degree, with an ambition for writing for a living in the employment realm of journalism. That genuinely was the plan. It didn’t turn out that way. I actually graduated with a 2:1 (for my American chums: one below the top grade). I’m still mounting enquiries into how that happened. I then started a career in writing and journalism, and sincerely got some stuff published. I worked at one or two institutions (the highlight being Front magazine: an alternative men’s lifestyle magazine in London with perks of meeting my favourite bands and gorgeous women), but it didn’t last long.

There are a couple of reasons for me ceasing my premature ambitions. The main one was, regrettably and predictably, security and money. I met practitioners in the role that I aspired to, earning nowhere near enough to sustain an existence in London and forced to working second and third jobs. There is a higher earning potential, but it involves relinquishing the love of writing, and entering more of the bureaucracy: something that I’m not interested in. Unless you’re highly gifted and get noticed, and I’m not of the view that I had that, that’s the way to survive by what I experienced.

So I needed something safer (so rock ‘n’ roll and boheme – I’m sorry Mr Kerouac! ūüė¶ expect a lot of this post- rebellious lamentation of my succumbing to the ‘man’. It’s been a tough adjustment and I’m wholeheartedly not there yet and quietly still vehemently against it), and something that would still intellectually challenge and stimulate me and that I took enjoyment in.

Boom! Here I am, and somehow nearly a qualified lawyer. I know, right? Ridiculous. And slightly disingenuous to everything I’ve historically preached. But there we go. I had to do a three year law degree in nine months, law school, and somehow secure a two-year training contract (again, for those non-acquainted with the legal profession, an apprentice-esq position, which yields itself to around 1 in¬†every 150 graduates) to qualify. I’m currently on the latter, in my second 6 month ‘seat’ working in Commercial Property and Corporate law, with a commute getting me in the office at 8am and leaving at 7pm. I’m not here to brag or bore anyone, I just wanted you to know how hard I’m working.

The second point is more lifestyle focussed.

I moved home (not cool) as that’s where the job is. I also lost a crazy amount of weight (36″ waist to 28″), did CrossFit, got a six-pack, and stopped CF and put half back on again. It wasn’t sustainable, or enjoyable. And now I’m working to get to a happy medium. I would think I’ll be posting about the odd health issue now and then, but be sured it’ll be anthropologically focussed rather than the generic boring waffle we’re used to across social media.

I also got engaged: mega- boom! Not even that: holy shit! As if someone agreed to put up with me for the rest of our lives? Pity the fuel, that she’ll need to progress. I hope someone gets that.

So here we are. I’ve gone from a porky, disorganised, self-sabotaging renegade (I’m not sure if that’s self-deprecating or insufferably arrogant), to a creatively tattooed, work conscious lawyer (ditto again). I suppose the point of my this post is as follows:

1. I’ve been meaning to get back on here and on track for a while. I currently do legal blog writing, but it’s not quite the same and I don’t intend to do it on here. However, I do think it helps giving me another string to my bow of ponderings.

2. I didn’t think I could just post again after such a long absence without an explanation, despite the glaring fact that I doubt many actually reading this.

3. It’s inevitable that the nature of my posts will change; my contention is that this would happen naturally (and here we are back to essentialism vs social constructivism: I told you my philosophical/English degree related posts weren’t through with – I’m still cool. HONEST!)¬†¬†in a three year absence, but considering my alteration in life direction, this is even more likely. I anticipate less poems (if they ever qualified as much), and more ponderings. Sure, legal stuff may intrude: it’s my job, and has been my mind-set for nearly three years. However, this is not my ambition with this blog. I want it to continue to and nurture the facet of me that it manifested from. I intend that to continue. It’ll just be, different. And let’s face it: it couldn’t get much worse.

So here I am. If any of my old discipl…ahem, followers, are still out there and read this – comment and say hi! Let’s see what happens with this. I won’t be the prolific poster I was before, thanks to the obsessive job, but I intend to use this space to exorcise my creative demons which, despite being utilised in some areas of my work, perhaps are being ignored. To our mutual benefit I suspect.

So, as the title articulates: my apologies. But, I’m back.

Read Full Post »

So I sit a module in University (when I attend) called Gender, Sexuality and Writing. Sounds like fun right? Half right I suppose. It is indeed filled with interest and probing, (no pun intended) questions and ideas.

As one may envisage, much of the discussion is generated from the oppression of women over the centuries, feminist criticism and general damning of those with Y in their¬†chromosome’s construction. Still sounding like fun? Well, I thought there must be other chaps out there besides myself that would also be on this course and I was correct. Gazing around the lecture hall I can in fact pick out three other guys, out of around seventy odd. And, surprise surprise, none of those chaps happen to inhabit my seminars. So these happy one hour sessions include fifteen people; fourteen of the female persuasion, and me.¬†Definitely¬†still sounding like fun isn’t it?

At the beginning of academic year I found myself to be worrying about the end state of self-esteem and my genitals after enough of these sessions. I mean surely, me sitting there, discussing the damnation of the male race would make most men want to chop their general and two colonels? Either that or I had strongly anticipated some sort of sacrificial castration eventuating at one stage or another. However, I have found it to be one the highlights of my week.

One or two here may know me in ‘real’ life. I am an¬†antagonizing and irritating (though of course simultaneously witty, charming and modest)¬†degenerate. But a degenerate blessed with the skill of being able to argue extremely proficiently about any given topic and generally tie people in knots. This aids me in great lengths within these heavenly hours, as I am forced to defend the male race alone (the tutor is also a fervently furious feminist) as feel I ought to.

Now before I continue further, I would like it to be made known that when it comes to my own personal opinion on feminism and all of that, I am rather asexual. I argue for both sides of the¬†equation¬†and want nothing short of equality, equally. However, there are just certain things that have been thrusted to my attention that I wanted to explore. I’d also like to make it crystal clear that when it comes to my historical and theoretical knowledge on these things I am, in the grand scheme, a perfect novice, so do not destroy me too thoroughly.

The module is named Gender, Sexuality and Writing, but as far as I’m concerned Gender and Sexuality means that we ought to discuss all genders and sexual orientations. This is sadly not the case for we touch briefly on male literature and homosexual writings but it seems to be there for formalities sake, to make room for the overwhelming feminist literature, lesbian writings etc. We studied for instance, H. Rider Haggard’s imperial romance She, a superb novel directed at men, discussing homosocial worlds and drawing on societies fears of and reacting to the emerging New Woman. This was the inclusion of looking at feminism from a male perspective, however, we were ushered to¬†criticize it in an attack against this way of thinking. It seems that feminist writers are allowed to attack men and the patriarchal society but when a male writer wishes to write anything that could be¬†construed to isolate women, or have women as femme fatales or negative roles of any kind, this is unacceptable and sexist.

It is one hundred percent clear and understandable to me why there is feminism, and frankly, I’m glad there is. I dread to think of life if we lived in the type of society we do today but with 19th century views towards the treatment of women and their rights. Emmeline Pankhurst was a heroine in my opinion and I could name you hundreds of female authors that depicted women struggling for equality whilst they too struggled with the same hypocrisy and torment, and I stand behind them well and truly. However, although women still do not have perhaps equal opportunities today, neither do men.

I’m aware of a few employers that are forced to hire women over men who are in fact are more qualified due to the lack of diversity and fear of law suits. Employers who are continuously taken for ride from female employees that exploit maternity leave. There are countless stories of women complaining about sexism and the lack of equality that are all taken extremely seriously (and so they should be) but you rarely hear the same complaints from men. Despite there being a good amount occurring in society.

Girls are now allowed to join Beavers, Cubs and Scouts but boys are not allowed to join Rainbows, Brownies and Guides. There even complaints emerging about men’s organisations grouping together to raise money and awareness for prostate cancer with events such as the ‘Movember’ scheme. The complaints stem from women stating that they too have lost close ones to prostate cancer. Well this is very true, but men are not allowed to contribute to breast cancer organisations and race for life events despite that they too have lost loved ones and that men can in fact also contract breast cancer.

I do not believe in set gender roles and all that rubbish and sexist views that women have had to confront since the beginning of time. I do however, believe that some feminists, need to take a break from attacking men and attempting to have everything that men have and allow women to have it too (whilst not allowing the process to be reversed) and come to realise that men and women are, in fact, different. On the majority, women are often more intelligent than men, so that should be reflected in them securing jobs over those that do not qualify as well. They are also often more apt at teaching younger years, and therefore it should be no big deal that more jobs are given to women to become primary school teachers. It also shouldn’t be a big deal that, on the majority, men tend to be larger and physically stronger than women. It is not always the case, but often this is the way. Therefore there should not be these day to day arguments over women feeling they are being oppressed because men are being allocated higher ranking roles in areas that require a higher physical demand. I decided to poke fun at this exact point within one of my seminars. The tutor had been doing her routinely damning of men and how women can do everything the same if not better which of course was a lovely hour to sit through. As we were leaving however, she was struggling to pick up the entirety of her files and papers. I strolled past and commented that I would of course offer to assist her, but that I wouldn’t want to undermine her femininity and oppress her in any way. I’m sure this comment contributed in my low marks of the next assignment.

I’m also not saying for a minute, that women now have equality and that the examples listed above are the indication of that now we men are oppressed. That would be silly. Women still struggle daily, but the point I’m making is that now, so do men. It’s very hard to conform to¬†societies wishes. Heterosexual men are now required to be sensitive to women’s needs and allow them to be their own person and pursue their own lives. But, we are also still needed to be protective, decisive, confident and often things that completely contradict the first set of requirements. Many of us are plodding through life, with our heads continuously looking over our shoulders, terrified of our own shadows and attempting not to be sexist.

To be honest this post probably doesn’t make much sense, and I’ve most likely managed to offend some people. For this, I apologise. Alike to all of my posts, this one was not planned or thought out, I simply write as if I were speaking. I’m sure if I had thought more or taken more time over it I may have been able to come up with a more fluid and well balanced argument. I have not though.

Therefore, I’m sure that it is accurate to assume, that due to men having it rather easy over the centuries, and women being horrendously oppressed over the centuries, that it is man’s time to suffer. But if that is true, then think about all we’ve done to earth and the animal kingdom. Trust me, it won’t matter what gender you are; when that day comes, we’re all screwed. There’s nothing I want more than for things to be equal between men and women, but unfortunately, I just don’t think it’ll ever happen. That’s because we are in fact different. And these differences aren’t always a bad thing. Who says it’s a bad thing for a man to be the one to drop down on one knee and propose? Or a woman to be the one who is proposed to? After all, the differences we have, often complement each other extremely well and result in grand things. In the words of Rodney King and Mars Attacks: “Can’t we all just get along?”

Read Full Post »

Underneath Reason

Something underneath reason,

To look no further  offers us a paradox.

How can one locate that,

Which has no location?

We’ve not had tools given to us to dig,

Are we ushered in the morning of life,

Not to pursue?

That which is underneath reason.

Read Full Post »

Give me what I cannot touch,

Out of reach is no term I recognise.

Its face is one I fail to see as such,

And its voice is one I find to antagonize.

.

Above the clouds is more than less,

You stand here to rattle me I guess.

Try as that might I find I must confess,

That I am unafraid, I’m damned not blessed.

.

The search of divinity,

All search for the well disguised portal.

A gap between chaos and serenity,

A toss up between an interesting fate and immortal.

.

That’s no paradise for one to¬†posses,

The everlasting, the eternal, the emptiness.

For mortality adds, the catalyst of interest,

The divine does envy, all of life’s stress.

.

As nothing can match this innate compulsion,

To prosper, to survive, happiness with no pretence.

Instead of a paradox of complete revulsion,

On a life of no end, and agonising omnipotence.

Read Full Post »

Friday 25th November:

I’ve given it two weeks. Two weeks. I’m a dog, my memory doesn’t even last that long but I cannot get this frustratingly glorious man out of my head. It’s not even like it’s just his voice in my head. It’s his everything. I mean that’s obviously why I’ve been named after him. We’re both pretty amazing.

It’s not like I haven’t been keeping busy. I’ve achieved a lot in the last two weeks. I mean, Nick wouldn’t agree, but what does that idiot know about…well, anything? The guy doesn’t even chase squirrels, what an idiot. He wouldn’t agree because apparently completely digging up the front garden, tearing the heads off the flowers and depositing them in the holes isn’t an achievement. He called it bad behaviour. I call it landscaping. But there we go. And that’s not everything. I managed to catch seven flies that wandered past my nose, eliminate a flea in an awkward area and next door’s cat and the post man’s leg will never be the same after the incident with me yesterday. I showed them.

But despite all of this noble work, I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. OK, that’s a lie, I can eat, and I sleep quite a bit too but I feel like if I didn’t want to enough, then I wouldn’t be able to. He’s all I can think about. Him and whatever Nick’s cooking right now anyway.

I decided that I must meet him. But unfortunately, travelling opportunities are sparse for us canines. A man wants to take up and wander the world, he’s called a traveller. A dog wants to, and he’s called a stray. But I suppose a synonym of stray would be lost, and I haven’t been this lost and confused since I was neutered. And I feel, just like then, like I’ve lost my marbles.

But meet him I must, so I came up with a rather cunning plan. And considering most of my notions are pretty brilliant (eating the entire nativity display in the school where Nick works went down a treat) and tend to go as I planned if perhaps not well appreciated. But most brilliant minds are ahead of their times I suppose.

Anyway, Nick’s been seeing this girl right? Typical sort, not good enough for him obviously. I mean what can she do for him that I can’t? OK, there’s that, but perhaps a quick trip to the human vet and snippity snip Nick won’t think about it anymore? Worked for me. Anyway, he had her over for dinner last night, she tried to scratch my ears as she came in, pfft, I gave her the underside of my tail and sat in between her Nick on the sofa. It’s like I’m jealous says she. Not jealous you massively simple homosapien, you’re just not right for him. No one is, we’re quite happy thank you, so just leave. But she doesn’t. But that’s fine, I have more important things in store for this evening, and I don’t just mean her reaction when she sees the little gift I’ve bestowed upon her shoes.

As Nick babbles along about himself and his life to this ridiculous excuse for a companion (who’s man’s best friend again Nick?) I decide it’s time to my make move. I remove myself from the comfortable seat of Nick’s feet and cease drooling on this unsuspecting girl’s handbag and make my way casually over the desk. Here I discretely paw the remote control on the seat causing the stereo to come on. No prizes for guessing what album was playing.

As Nick discusses his love for the Boss of which it seems she also shares, (as if they know what love is, spend the last two weeks in my paws and then they’d know) I saunter along and place my head in his lap. It doesn’t take him long to realise I have something in my mouth, and not a sock or a dead bird this time. A newspaper. Yes Nick I realise that it’s funny that you can’t teach me to bring the newspaper from the door at breakfast time when ¬†you want it. Yes I realise that I¬†shouldn’t¬†have it now. Please just take it from me you fool, I won’t even play tug of war. He takes the paper and sees what page is open. A certain someone is touring the UK, yeah he is.

As Nick stumbles in his conversation with the hitherto unaware girl, I wait for him to process what he’s just read and how much of a fantastic date this might make. Come on Nick, it doesn’t take a genius. There we go, and we’re in. Date is signed, sealed and delivered. They’re going to watch Bruce Springsteen, live, in Hyde Park. Park. That’s right. What does park mean? I’ll tell you. It means one simple¬†sentence: Dogs Allowed bitch.

Read Full Post »

If no-one knows nothing,

Then everyone must know everything.

And if someone saw something,

Then someone tells everyone.

.

Through everyone hearing someone,

No-one saw something.

Causing someone to know everything,

And everyone to know nothing.

.

And if everyone knows nothing,

How can no-one hear someone?

As someone saw something,

Something done to someone.

.

That someone told no-one,

Which means no-one heard something.

That ought to have been told to everyone,

To stop someone hurting me.

Read Full Post »

Thought it might be time to get some things of a more visual nature on here for purposes of versatility. I do use the term photography very loosely, I love taking photos, but don’t really know anything about taking them so much. I can use an analog camera and develop prints but haven’t done for some time. The photographs I upload on here are taken with a Sony Alpha A290, and occasionally I use Photoshop to retouch them a bit, but rarely. If I think it’s cool, I’ll snap a picture of it, that tends to be how this eventuates.

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »