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Posts Tagged ‘Random’

Morning all, or Good Afternoon, Good Evening and Goodnight to those of not on my island.

I haven’t posted anything for quite sometime I realise and for this, I apologise. I assure you that I’m not dead, not yet at least (each day is a blessing with the type of life I lead) but nearing the end of my three years of University education. Basically, that means I have about a month to do all the work I should have done over the past three years. Remaining are three assignments of around 4000 words, an exam and a dissertation of around 14,000 words. Sounds like fun? I’m literally lactating with joy it’s so much fun.

Anyway, enough of my moaning. That is why I have not posted anything for yonks, poor excuse I know. But, I have something pretty cool brewing (and it’s not the remnants of my breakfast) to put on here, but it is tied in with my degree, so it’ll be finished in a month or so, but watch this space. It’s the most challenging and advanced creative writing I’ve done so far. If you’ve read any Angela Carter (especially The Bloody Chamber that takes fairy tales and warps them beyond recognition) then this will be less shocking. The title of the essay companion that goes with it is: Little Dead Riding Hood: An Exploration into the Gothic Conventions Within the Traditional Fairy Tale. So that is to come. I also have a firework of a ghost story in the works. Just realised how much I’ve built it all up now, mistake. Scratch that, it all sucks OK? So don’t expect much at all (this way when you read them you’ll be pleasantly surprised).

Until then, I shall put up the odd bits and bobs as they stumble through my brain and onto my keyboard but don’t expect too much (not that you ever should really).

For now I shall leave you with this thought, if the duck that doth tell the trout that he serves himself alone, who doth the lilypad serve?

Image

Adieu, Chin Chin and Ta Ta for now,

Dormouse.

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Underneath Reason

Something underneath reason,

To look no further  offers us a paradox.

How can one locate that,

Which has no location?

We’ve not had tools given to us to dig,

Are we ushered in the morning of life,

Not to pursue?

That which is underneath reason.

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So something very strange has happened. I’ve been nominated for The Versatile Blogger award which, subsequently, means I’ve won it. I now envisage your expression. It depicts the emotion of complete lack of understanding, mixed with the feeling of when you have trapped wind. Similar to being informed that if you jumped off St Paul’s Cathedral you would fall up into the solid orange ocean. Exactly.

But nominated I have been, and very touched I am too (even if it does turn out to be an awkward misunderstanding) and it is all thanks to the genius blog that is Short and Fun. Now I do not want you to think that just because of the obvious insanity that led this blog’s author to nominate me for this award that the blog is nothing short of awesome. That is not what I want you to think for this blog really is great fun to read. I am a picky one, and can get extremely bored with blogs but if there is a blog who deserves this award it is this one, and I strongly urge you to check it out.

Now one could hope that one could jovially accept this award and waddle off into the cyberspace distance without a care in the world. One’s hope would not be a wise one. It is in fact protocol to do a couple of things so as this wonderful award may continue to bring inspiring and exciting blogs to our attention and keep them flying through wordpress.

1. heretherebespiders

By far one of my favourite blogs out there. And extremely versatile. Love the animal drawings and the posts whether long or short will ensnare you as they have done me. Based in Ireland: what more could you want?

2. imogenandtonic

A new one to wordpress but definitely one worthy of a mention. Wonderfully written and both witty and thought provoking as well as heart warming.

3. imonthebandwagon

A nice and unique idea and one that I have had much fun keeping up to date with. As long as you can deal with the knowledge that you’ll probably never find out who the band is, then you’ll love it.

4. Ashley Jillian

Great wit displayed in this, makes me laugh every time I read it, and nicely regular posts!

5. Nightly Sky

Really impressive stuff here, emotive and awe inspiring. Definitely one to watch.

6. The Tousled Apostle 

So talented and extremely varied. The way this blog is set out also makes me cringe when I look at the decor of my own and the time I spend on my posts!

7. Alma Segeholm

Really mesmerising stuff on here, used to be some great thoughts put down too, hope we see some more of them resurfacing.

8. F. H. Hakansson

This stuff will leave you thinking for hours, but not in an unpleasant way. So much different elements that can be drawn from it.

9. Thaino’s Blog

This is one I came across from my nominator’s page a month or so ago and am really enjoying what I read. I don’t find many that when I find them, I look back through all of their archives regularly, but this is one of them.

10. oohgioia

I’ve only recently been reading Heather’s blog but it’s definitely becoming a memorable one. I love blogs on life and its ways and this one gives me what I want!

11. pushbuttonreceivebacon

Literally the coolest doodles around that should definitely be somewhere where every one can enjoy them. Replacing the Apple logo or something.

12. squarerootofzero

Again, such cool cartoons. So weird yet I’ve been checking this blog constantly for new posts.

13. Southern Musings

Really accessible and enjoyable poetry. Anyone who enjoys reading poetry or is attempting (badly in my case) to write it, would be well advised to check it out.

14. Reclusewritings

Brian Looney has talent that I’ve never seen before. Can’t get enough from his page, I haven’t come across anything I don’t like yet, despite only following it for a week or two.

15. Zooky World

I love cartoons, and similar to some of the others I’ve mentioned on here, these have great cartoons, scribbles, poems and thoughts. A real pleasure to peruse.

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OK, so now those well deserved bloggers have been cordially acknowledged, I apparently now am required to divulge seven facts about myself. I’m rather uninteresting but I’ll give it a whirl!

1. I have a innate and bizarre abhorrence of cotton wool. The stuff literally makes me want to kill myself and everyone around me.

2. I once cut the whole forefront of my little finger off in a glass panel of a door. It wasn’t much fun to be honest.

3. I did a pier to pier swim in the sea for the British Heart Foundation once, and fell over when I got out of the water due to my legs having not been used for walking for a while.

4. I have been diagnosed with different mental conditions, the most amusing being one that causes me to have absolutely zero spacial awareness and hand eye coordination. Guess that’s why I can juggle with numerous clubs (and most other things) and play the drums. Nice one ‘specialist’.

5. I can play the William Tell Overture on my adam’s apple.

6. I had a black labarador called Dylan that I loved a stupid amount who died of Septicemia when he was 4 years old.

7. I have never had chicken pox.

Thanks for reading and sorry for rambling!

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Friday 25th November:

I’ve given it two weeks. Two weeks. I’m a dog, my memory doesn’t even last that long but I cannot get this frustratingly glorious man out of my head. It’s not even like it’s just his voice in my head. It’s his everything. I mean that’s obviously why I’ve been named after him. We’re both pretty amazing.

It’s not like I haven’t been keeping busy. I’ve achieved a lot in the last two weeks. I mean, Nick wouldn’t agree, but what does that idiot know about…well, anything? The guy doesn’t even chase squirrels, what an idiot. He wouldn’t agree because apparently completely digging up the front garden, tearing the heads off the flowers and depositing them in the holes isn’t an achievement. He called it bad behaviour. I call it landscaping. But there we go. And that’s not everything. I managed to catch seven flies that wandered past my nose, eliminate a flea in an awkward area and next door’s cat and the post man’s leg will never be the same after the incident with me yesterday. I showed them.

But despite all of this noble work, I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. OK, that’s a lie, I can eat, and I sleep quite a bit too but I feel like if I didn’t want to enough, then I wouldn’t be able to. He’s all I can think about. Him and whatever Nick’s cooking right now anyway.

I decided that I must meet him. But unfortunately, travelling opportunities are sparse for us canines. A man wants to take up and wander the world, he’s called a traveller. A dog wants to, and he’s called a stray. But I suppose a synonym of stray would be lost, and I haven’t been this lost and confused since I was neutered. And I feel, just like then, like I’ve lost my marbles.

But meet him I must, so I came up with a rather cunning plan. And considering most of my notions are pretty brilliant (eating the entire nativity display in the school where Nick works went down a treat) and tend to go as I planned if perhaps not well appreciated. But most brilliant minds are ahead of their times I suppose.

Anyway, Nick’s been seeing this girl right? Typical sort, not good enough for him obviously. I mean what can she do for him that I can’t? OK, there’s that, but perhaps a quick trip to the human vet and snippity snip Nick won’t think about it anymore? Worked for me. Anyway, he had her over for dinner last night, she tried to scratch my ears as she came in, pfft, I gave her the underside of my tail and sat in between her Nick on the sofa. It’s like I’m jealous says she. Not jealous you massively simple homosapien, you’re just not right for him. No one is, we’re quite happy thank you, so just leave. But she doesn’t. But that’s fine, I have more important things in store for this evening, and I don’t just mean her reaction when she sees the little gift I’ve bestowed upon her shoes.

As Nick babbles along about himself and his life to this ridiculous excuse for a companion (who’s man’s best friend again Nick?) I decide it’s time to my make move. I remove myself from the comfortable seat of Nick’s feet and cease drooling on this unsuspecting girl’s handbag and make my way casually over the desk. Here I discretely paw the remote control on the seat causing the stereo to come on. No prizes for guessing what album was playing.

As Nick discusses his love for the Boss of which it seems she also shares, (as if they know what love is, spend the last two weeks in my paws and then they’d know) I saunter along and place my head in his lap. It doesn’t take him long to realise I have something in my mouth, and not a sock or a dead bird this time. A newspaper. Yes Nick I realise that it’s funny that you can’t teach me to bring the newspaper from the door at breakfast time when  you want it. Yes I realise that I shouldn’t have it now. Please just take it from me you fool, I won’t even play tug of war. He takes the paper and sees what page is open. A certain someone is touring the UK, yeah he is.

As Nick stumbles in his conversation with the hitherto unaware girl, I wait for him to process what he’s just read and how much of a fantastic date this might make. Come on Nick, it doesn’t take a genius. There we go, and we’re in. Date is signed, sealed and delivered. They’re going to watch Bruce Springsteen, live, in Hyde Park. Park. That’s right. What does park mean? I’ll tell you. It means one simple sentence: Dogs Allowed bitch.

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If no-one knows nothing,

Then everyone must know everything.

And if someone saw something,

Then someone tells everyone.

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Through everyone hearing someone,

No-one saw something.

Causing someone to know everything,

And everyone to know nothing.

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And if everyone knows nothing,

How can no-one hear someone?

As someone saw something,

Something done to someone.

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That someone told no-one,

Which means no-one heard something.

That ought to have been told to everyone,

To stop someone hurting me.

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Couldn’t think of anything better to write so here’s another scribble.

Neither you least expect,

They care, they’re there.

No outcast to defect,

Help me bear, always care?

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I can feel at ease,

Any ponder or thought,

That pure or sleaze,

This human diary can’t be bought.

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Some mad, some glad,

You share thoughts even bad, no scorn.

Your so called rock is calling,

When does comprehension dawn that your so called rock is falling?

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So where are ‘they’ now?

You need them now there’s just no trace.

Only to realisation must you bow,

These sheer rocks are now two faced.

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But rocks can change, they erode,

We can never predict how they may act.

We all fumble and whatever the future may bode,

These two faced rocks may crumble, crack, and find what they may lack.

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So a friend, who shall not be named for purposes of his ‘reputation’ and my own already questionable sexual orientation, has asked me to write a poem about him. I have ergo decided to submit to this wish and write the second fasted poem I ever have, so I wouldn’t hold your breath for it.

Ode To The Captain

It is few, perhaps, who understand why,

The name Captain to him we gave.

And it is with a fitting sigh,

That I divulge the secrets of this nautical knave.

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It is many that know him, of course well,

Of his technical and website ways.

But as a ladykiller? His sauce? Why the ladies befell,

Under his nautical and sure-sight gaze.

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It is several that know him, of that I am sure,

For his supreme command of not just ships, but booze.

But perhaps not that many have seen, as has truly yours,

His head and sea legs, that he doth lose.

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If there was a prize, for the one who is most fair,

Alas it would be such lies, if the award was his cross to bear.

Do not, nonetheless, assume this old sea dog is rank,

Or hearken here, you’re under arrest, and be forced to walk the plank.

Because whatever this chap’s in, he’s no rogue, no chav,

It is now known he is the Captain! And one of the best mates we have.

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It took me 18 minutes……


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